Dealing with the downers

It’s going on for 12 weeks in lockdown and dealing with the downers has been the hardest part.

It’s been awhile since my depression and low moods have made an appearance. Before lockdown, my moods were pretty stable and I’d only feel blue every now and again. Since we’ve been restricted on where we can go and what we can do, I, like so many other people, have found it difficult because I’m used to going where I want, when I want. I’m used to meeting family, seeing friends and being part of a fitness community.

The strange thing is, I get up, I do my work and then at about 2pm when I’ve finished the overwhelming urge to cry happens. It must be because I’m busy working that I’m distracted from how I’m really feeling. I’m so lucky to still be working as it’s given me a sense of purpose and structure. Recently though, getting out of bed is harder and being motivated is the same.

How do you keep yourself motivated when you haven’t got any motivation?

I’ve been a bit naughty and instead of letting my feelings out and ‘feeling’ them, I’ve been pushing them down in the hope they’ll go away. I’ve been so tired and achy and exhausted from all of the emotions. It’s been like a rollercoaster. Sometimes, I don’t want to speak or, more appropriately, I can’t be bothered. Phone calls and video calls have been hard work sometimes, although I do feel a bit better after chatting to family, friends and colleagues.

The other day, I just couldn’t move. My whole body felt like it weighed tonnes and it was a big effort to move. Everything ached and I didn’t want to do anything about it. I curled up on the sofa with Maisey and binge-watched Netflix. I just didn’t want to talk or make an effort with anything. I felt bad for Karlos because he had to do everything that day. He encouraged me to get dressed and go shopping with him but that was a struggle.

Keeping to a schedule, doing lots of exercise and taking some time out has been helpful for my depression during these strange times. I’ve started trying to write things down when I feel overwhelmed so that might help.

I just keep telling myself that this won’t last forever and that soon, we’ll be able to go back to what we were doing before.